The Pause That Changed Everything

This Memorial Day marks 2 years since I had an accident training jiu jitsu that resulted in two fully torn knee ligaments. To say it altered my life in ways I would have never expected would be an understatement.

Let’s go back to that time:

Two Memorial Days ago, I decided to go train and, towards the end, I paired up with a close friend. Not even a minute into it, it happened: I completely tore both my ACL and MCL, which are important knee ligaments.

The pain was excruciating, and I honestly thought my knee had somehow exploded out of my leg and that I was bleeding all over the place. Except I couldn’t see any blood, and was actually most likely bleeding internally.

To this day, I’m still puzzled by the fact that I didn’t cry. I just sat there, unable to walk… waiting, not even knowing what I was waiting for.

After a while, with my friend’s help and my coach carrying me to the car, my husband (who was also training with me that day) drove me to the ER.

Recovering after knee surgery - photos are one month apart.

I had it in my head that whatever this injury was, I’d be back on the mats in a few months. No big deal. I’ve had other injuries from training in the past, but I was ignorant to the fact that this one was different and more serious.

I can honestly say that the transformation started that day. And I had no idea!

It’s funny how we can get so caught up in the life we’re living, so set in our direction that we don’t realize we’re no longer aligned with it. Until life intervenes and forces us to slow down.

The Universe said: "You need to change course, and since you are not listening or seeing it, let me give you a hand"… lol. Like those caring, but firm people who love you that say: “Listen, it’s going to hurt me more than it will hurt you, but it’s for your own good.”

Joking aside, and two years later… Boy, do I see it now!

The amount of growth this pause has brought me is beyond words. I see and understand so much now, and I’m going to summarize a couple of lessons I learned, because some of them are just for me, and they wouldn’t make sense to anyone else.

• I learned to love, respect, and have more compassion for myself… and to not be a such a drill sergeant to myself with everything I do.

• I learned to not compare my journey to other people’s journeys.

• I learned what makes me unique and what I can give to the world without being concerned about others’ opinions.
  

Each person can only see you through who they are… through their own experiences and beliefs. 

That was an important perspective shift - one that pointed me back to myself. I stopped feeling the need to explain myself to others and I stopped oversharing. That was a tough one, because I’ve always been very open with people. But I learned that there needs to be a balance.

Going back to the accident:

When you abruptly lose something you identify with and love so much, it almost feels like grief. You go through the stages.

First, not believing it happened. Then anger that it did. Deep sadness that what you love will be gone for a long while… and then, finally, acceptance.

And when you finally reach that last stage, it’s like the water has settled. You can see your reflection clearly again. You understand why it happened. And for me, a deep sense of peace started to take over.

I was finally able to clearly see what needed to be seen and understood. I was finally receiving the clarity I had been asking for, for so long, even before this accident ever happened.

The recovery days, weeks, and months slowly pushed me along the path I needed to be on. I compare it to those times when I was at the beach in my younger years, swimming toward the deep end of the ocean… only to start floating and letting the gentle waves slowly carry me back toward the shore. It felt like a warm embrace guiding me back to safety.

And there I am - at the shore again. Standing up. Walking toward a completely different landscape. 

Now I can see the vibrant colors and the details that were once out of focus. My priorities have shifted, and there’s this deep sense that everything feels right and purposeful.

As for the sport I loved so very much…

I still love it when I’m there, but it’s a little different now. There's a calmer, slower pace feeling I didn't have before. No sense of urgency to get better at it and no need to train daily like I used to. When I think about why that is, I believe it’s because I’m deeply enjoying focusing and spending time tending to these new seeds that were planted and are now beginning to sprout.

We survived the harsh winter. We rested. We gained strength. The seeds were dormant, but it is now Spring, and I’m starting to see life emerge.

Soon, the colors will take over and next thing I know, Fall will come. And it will be time for harvest.

They say that when you grow, you don’t always align with the life you once had. The people, the routines, even the things you once loved can start to feel different. Not because they lost their meaning, but because you simply changed.

And maybe that’s what I’m feeling now. Not a loss, but a quiet shift. And at this point of my life, the beginning of walking a new path that finally feels like mine. 🌻

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✨ If life has ever forced you to stop, to rebuild, to redefine yourself, to start over from a place you didn't choose , I'd love to hear your story. Hit reply or leave a comment. These are the conversations that matter most to me.

✨ And if something in this post stirred something in you - if you're in the middle of your own unexpected pause right now - The Quiet Shift was made for exactly that season. It's a free guide to help you slow down, find perspective, and reconnect with yourself through nature and everyday moments. Find it here.